Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
