She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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