she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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