Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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