he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
