Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need to sanitize my soul.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize