youre lurking in front of me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
