theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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