im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
