I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
