you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
