Michael Bay diarrhea
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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