she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
