he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
