someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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