we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
