Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
