i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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