White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
