well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
