She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
