Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
time to smoke my breakfast
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
