there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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