just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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