The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
