Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
