I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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