woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
