I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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