Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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