one two three fourrrrnication!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
