I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
