I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
