we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
