When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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