i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
