halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
