3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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