Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
