you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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