I'm so fucking centered right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
