ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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