the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
