Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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