Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
