he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Randomize
