Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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