you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
