I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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