Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
