Already got asked if we're dating
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
