You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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