Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
