I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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