Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
