Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
