I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
