I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
