I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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