i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
