I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize